Support & Healing

I lost my love, Amanda on 14th November 25.

Amanda’s daughter was killed by her partner who then ended his own life, january 2022.

Amanda turned to alcohol and never recovered. I tried so hard to help her but she went through cycles of drinking, and ending up in hospital, and then not drinking for a few weeks or even months, then drinking again. Hiding Vodka around the house, and lying about it. I loved her anyway, but gradually the lying picked at me.

In April 2025 we had a massive argument, and she ended up moving out, but less than 2 weeks later and we started to rebuild, she came home every weekend and some days in the week, but never quite moved back in. I asked her to once, she asked me to once, but the drinking and lying cycle seemed to just stop us from taking that…

Time since Mandy doesn’t heal.  I am not healing, Mandy was not an illness or an amputation.  I have nothing to heal from.  Just like a child, a toddler, a teenager, a young person, a young married man, a new father, a new everything I have never experienced before … I am just a “new since Mandy”.  And I have learned how easy it is to live in the eternity of a moment.  The infinite and forever that being in the moment can seem.  And because I now know eternity and the infinite I needed “an opposite” to combat being stuck in a place that ripped me apart all the time.  And that “opposite” went though much evolution and finally emerged as a never-ending series of “phases”.  Phases are simply finite chunks of eternity.  Named usually once something has changed - named when something seems impossible – named when caught in a…

Hi my name is Mandy from JHB South Africa.

It has been 7months and two weeks since my beloved husband passed away. It was sudden and so unexpected. I was out of the country, and he called me to let me know that he was not feeling well, and I knew that something was not right; I could sense it. We were married for 28 years. Childhood sweethearts. He was playing tennis and collapsed. His tennis buddies rushed him to the ER, and they tried everything they could to save him. I was miles away, stuck in an airport, feeling helpless and traumatised. I had to fly back home, and it was the longest most horrendous flight of my life. The pain and sense of loss is a massive, gaping hole. He was my best friend, my soulmate. I feel so lost. How does one continue? I have my thre…