Lost my true forever love
On the 3rd.June 2025 my darling wife of almost 50 years died in tragic circumstances. We had been together from our late teens and the shock of this incident has been devastating. I haven’t slept properly since then and still almost 9 months later find myself unable to get any rhythm back. Can anyone tell me when this will change and I can get peace again. My children and their families are very supportive and when they are around it is comforting but then they leave and you are left alone with just your thoughts. I just don’t know what to do and just sit here waiting to die, as I don’t feel there is anything left for me. Will this ever change or am I to remain like this until one day it is the case. If anyone has any advise I would be happy to hear it.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss and your anguish and sorrow. I lost my partner of 16 years, Mark, suddenly and unexpectedly on the 17th November 2025. I have been attending bereavement cafes, groups and counselling - whatever is on offer - partly to get out of the house, partly to find others in similar situations and partly to help me come to terms with my loss. I have gradually returned to some of my former hobbies, like my U3A ukulele and cycling groups. It was difficult to go back, but they have been supportive. We didn't discuss what would happen when one of us died, but I believe Mark would want me to try and make the most of my life. He always encouraged me to pursue my interests, so that is what I have been trying to do. It isn't always easy by any means.
I was very scared at the thought of my life without Mark; all I could see was loneliness and emptiness and I still miss him so much, especially his sense of humour, his loving support and his physical presence. However, by going out and taking up any offer of company from friends, acquaintances, new groups etc, I have started to see that there are still things to enjoy in life, albeit differently to before. I haven't laughed anywhere near as much as I did with him, but I have started to laugh again sometimes.
Perhaps you would benefit from a visit to your GP to talk things through. My GP put me on some antidepressants as I was getting panic attacks. They have helped me to feel calmer. I also got given some amitriptyline to help with sleep. I don't always need them, but knowing they are there if I need them helps. My GP suggested going to a social prescriber who then looked at options for me to cope with grief, like what groups and counselling was available. As I said, I am trying anything that is on offer.
I wish you good luck and hope that something I have written here might be useful.
Chris