Growth & Moving Forward

Hi

My hubby Nigel died on 14th April 2023, age 58 after fighting cancer for over 11 years. When he was diagnosed our children were 1 and 3 years old and I was 38.

My youngest is 15 today and I wonder how different our lives would be, but there's little point as it doesn't change the reality. Both children were diagnosed as having autism at a young age and in some respects their factual outlook helped. We were always truthful with them in an age appropriate way and didnt hide anything when their daddy had to have more operations or chemo. I couldn't have made it through without them.

The flip side is my youngest has high anxiety and social issues as part of her autism and I know in my heart Nigel would not understand her. We are waiting for family counselling because the kids did not have a normal upbringing; which i never even realised til a mental health professional pointed it out.

I did an awful lot of grieving over the 11 years before Nigel died and sometimes feel like a fraud because I have got on with things. People say I they do not know how i coped, but I had too, I had no choice. Yes I miss him; i miss the companionship and being able to talk to him, holding his hand and much more. My eldest, now 17 is very tactile like me so he will give me a hug.

I am a churchvwarden now and a verger at funerals, help with Sunday school and normal services; i also volunteer at our social cafe. I play trumpet in an orchestra and look after our socially awkward dog.

Life goes on and I hope to have a companion again one day, however nigel will always be apart of me.

Big hugs to all xx