This Very Lonely Life
July 9th 2023, on holiday in Turkey celebrating our 40th anniversary & my 60th 10 days before. A really lovely holiday together, so relaxing. We talked about making plans for my retirement. We will leave it until after Christmas. Trudy my amazing wife absolutely loved Christmas time. Nov arrived, Trudys birthday. Not long after Trudy said to me she had a niggling pain in her side which was getting annoying. I think I will make an appointment to the GP and get checked
The GP put Trudy on a 2 week pathway to gynaecology. Trudy attended her appointment. Womb inspection with camera, given the all clear. But a scan was done. 12th Dec 2023 we received a phone call to say the scan had showed something of concern. New appointment made for 28th Dec 2023. Also sent for a pelvic torso scan. On the 28th Dec 2023 at the clinic informed of large bi laterall ovarian cysts, plus an incidental find of shadows on the lung. An appointment made for the lung team. Within a few weeks diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian primary cancer plus a second primary stage 4 lung cancer. The gynaecology team fought hard to get Trudy into treatment. Eventually Trudy was considered for treatment, a combination of chemotherapy for the ovarian cancer & immunotherapy for the lung cancer. 6 to 8 cycles, treatment every 3 weeks. Cycle 1 proved to be too toxic. They weren't going to offer any more. Reluctantly they did offer one more treatment. And that was the end of that. It was all too late. Before my very eyes I watched helplessly as the most precious person in my life was being destroyed. June 2024 Trudy was now in a hospital bed in our home. July 9th our 41st anniversary was approaching. Trudy fought so hard to stay with me beyond our anniversary. As midnight approached on the day of our 41st, Trudy was slipping away. 15 mins past midnight the cancer nurse in attendance pronounced Trudy had gone
We had a beautiful marriage. Best mates from when we met at just 18
Trudy is at a safe place now, nobody can harm her. My happiness absolutely destroyed
Approaching 2 years may not sound a long time but when you are fighting every minute of every day, 2 years feels like forever
The whole reason I chose to sign up to Chapter 2 is to get to know someone who has experience a loss beyond words. Someone who will understand
To start a friendship through mutal understanding & respect. To believe we do all deserve to be happy. Our partners would want us to be happy. To look to a new beginning
We won't ever forget. To have been in that much love with someone, we can never forget. Through finding the right person, I do believe we can find happiness again. The loneliness, the silence is just horrible.
Thank you for reading
Billy🙏❤️
Thank you Sally Lee for your comment. You mention that it took you years to realise your hubby had gone. I knew straightaway perhaps that is why it has hit so hard. I am now an old lady, have no intention of even trying to find someone as no one would ever replace my wonderful sweet husband. His kindness will live with me forever until one day when we meet again, hopefully in the not too distant future. I always told him I would never manage without him and so far, it is so true, each day is so hard and painful.