Sadness Sabotaged
The first “anniversary” was weird and sad. None of us knew what to do, what was expected, how to behave. So this second anniversary came and went without any gathering or get-together. A personal day of reflection or not. I did a few words and a wee video because that’s my way. Popped it on FB as is my way.
And mid-afternoon, out of the blue, totally unexpected - a young widow the same age as our eldest daughter - a lady with six children - who was pregnant with their sixth when her partner had a sudden heart attack and died a few days later - whose lovely family home will likely be repossessed some time this year when probate is finalised - a lady I have come to know for lots of good reasons …
She popped up a couple of pictures on Messenger with the comment that she was “munching a tiffin in memory of Mandy”. Tesco do a Christmas vegan tiffin box - my Mandy loved them! Each year Mandy would buy several boxes, and each year would shove them under my nose with “Come on Paul, you can’t let me eat them by myself …” and half a box (usually a whole box) later she would then exclaim “Oh, I feel sick now - should have stopped at one.” It was an annual routine, one with many chuckles and love. And - out of the blue - here it was happening again!
(I should mention that this fellow widow is called Amanda - but after we got to know each other told me she prefers Mandy. Blew my mind for a while. Should also mention I see our daughter in her, and stepped forwards to support her efforts to save her house. I have become an honorary grandad/dad in place of her own long-dead grandparents and parents.)
And then she said that she couldn’t remember my Mandy’s favourite tiffin so had ended up having one of each (that’s three) and then another one because they were so lovely she couldn’t help herself - and now she felt a little sick and was sitting with a cup of tea trying to feel better.
(Remember the film “Ghost” when Patrick Swayze “comes through” Whoopi Goldberg and the famous pottery scene? That is just where I was - my Mandy through this Mandy - as real as the keyboard I am tapping away on right now.)
My brain cells were struggling to keep up! My head and heart were filled with love, laughter, wonder, connection and so much more. What should have been a sad reflection filled day had just become the wildest ride filled with love and wonder. So much so that I fell asleep that night still chuckling, still full of love, and still in awe of the universe and wherever my Mandy is right now.
And I find myself beginning year three with a song and a smile. Looking forward with fun and excitement to what will come my way, what opportunities and people the universe has in store, and - without any planning on my part - a renewed curiosity about how love is so much stronger even than death - how Mandy’s presence is of a love so pure and distilled she can “reach me” without any effort at all.
Year One was awkward. Year Two was sublime. I now look forward to all that this new third year has yet to reveal!
